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Health Road test: Colonic Irrigation

 I’ll start this post off with a warning: If you can’t handle poo talk then get the hell out, this is no place for you. You’ll be scarred for life.  If you’ve stuck around and want a little insight into the experience of a colonic as told by moi then stick around. I will incorporate the following words: poo, bum, rectum and fart. Enjoy!
My impression of a colonic?
I thought it would be similar to when you take your animal to the vet for a check up, namely when the thermometer gets shoved you know where. Eye’s bulging and giving you that disapproving “what the hell are you doing to me” look. Truth be told the whole colonic experience is NOTHING like that. It’s calm, serene and chilled out.  A great stress reliever. I also thought it was something only tofu eating hippies did and was under the understanding if I had a colonic my digestive system would rely on them and totally slow down my poo transit time. I’ve since learnt that all of this is not true, in fact your gut health is restored and you can experience a more effect transit time. I was never doing this for weight loss and I know so many of you out there that would think, “wow, I’ll lose if I do this”. You are not the right person for a colonic and don’t be ridiculous, you need to burn calories to lose weight, remember!  
Why a colonic?
Whilst a regular pooer (RP), I felt that sometimes I do shovel food down and I can be lax when it comes to water consumption. I’m a busy girl and I use that as my excuse. Well, no more! I’m off to have the experience of a lifetime…well that’s what the brochure said anyway.
Here’s what “they” say a colonic is
Also known as colonic irrigation or colon hydrotherapy, this ancient method of healing gently hydrates the colon. It is the most effective treatment known to detoxify the body, improve digestive function, clear out toxic build-up and improve overall health.
Everyone can benefit from colon hydrotherapy, and especially if you suffer from any of the following: 

• Anxiety or stress

• Constipation or Diarrhea

• Headaches or Lack of Concentration

• Irritable Bowel Syndrome

• Poor immunity or Chronic Fatigue

• Depression or Lack of Vitality

• Bloating or Flatulence

• Candida or Parasite Overgrowth

• Skin Disorders”
What really happens?
You enter the room; chat briefly about goals, poos and tubes that will be inserted. I’m glad my therapist, Lindsay, is lovely and eases all my worries. Next, your therapist leaves briefly and you get undressed from the waist down and lie on the bed (similar to a massage table). Your modesty is always protected with the help of well-placed towels. The therapist enters and tells you to roll over on to your side, where you are told to take a few breathes as a tube, yes a tube (about the size of a 10 cent piece), gets inserted very slowly into your rectum/butt/ass (nicely lubed of course). Once that part is over it’s smooth sailing. Deep breaths get you through this portion of your “experience”.  To be honest, it was this whole tube up butt scenario that had me avoiding colonics for ages. True be told, I have been a serial colonic no show. This was my first actual show UP! 
Next, the tubes are positioned correctly; you just lie back and enjoy the ride. The nice peaceful ride. The machine (complete with poo viewing window! Woo hoo this is what I came for) gets switched on and the therapist starts filling your colon with warm water whilst performing relaxed, light circular movements on your stomach. This portion of the “experience” can be a little uncomfortable at times, depending on what’s going on inside that gut of yours. Think of this as the filling phase, the water pushing and filling your colon.. If you take some deeps breaths this helps a lot. The idea is to know that just with a few simple breathes; you are in control of the situation. When the water passes through, if you tend to be a little gassy (and hey, even the best of us experience this) you’ll feel what I can only describe the urge fart or poo (very explosively). This happens because the therapist, via the tube, is sending plies (LOL) and plies of water into your colon to get the poo to moving. The water hits gas pockets and it can be a little uncomfortable. A point to remember is the more water that is able to hydrate your colon, the more effective the treatment.  Next, comes the good bit- The releasing of the faecal matter. Again your therapist is the one who will be responsible for moving all the knobs and buttons on the machine you don’t lift a finger or a butt cheek (again, LOL!). The releasing phase is accompanied by a stronger stomach massage. For those that have ever had a lymphatic drainage massage it’s similar to that. This helps move da poos. Gurgling sounds will be common in this phase but the release is such a great feeling that you’ll block those out. Don’t forget for your viewing pleasure: The Poo Window. Take a look and see what’s going on in there. You may see undigested food, old food (corn, anyone?) or just brown, murky water with little chunky loose stools (a very good sign that your gut releases well).  This filling and releasing process goes on for 45mins or so and then the tube is slowly taken out and you are left to redress and go to the toilet. You tend to release some more water into the toilet (again think explosive diarrhea) but you can generally go back to work or running your errands after you have completed your treatment. I found the more treatments I had the better I felt afterwards.  
Are you still there? Oh Gooood! Don’t worry we are almost done. You may be thinking “I go to the toilet everyday, sometimes twice, why should I get a colonic?”  And to that I would say Great question! This was me too, a regular “pooer” (RP) but even us RP’s can have a sluggish digestive system.  Some people can even go to the toilet (#2’s) as often as 3 times per day but not be releasing all their junk in their trunks properly. This can cause faecal matter to be absorbed by the body through the intestine and causes a toxic environment in your body.
What I have personally experienced post colonic is amazing. Immediately I felt lighter and more hydrated (I should after litres and litres have been shoved up you know where!). My body seems to be running a little more efficiently (transit time of poos happens when it should, a few hours after I eat) and the shape of the stool has improved (shape?! Yes your stool should be a nicely formed sausage shape with a slight bend to it). My energy levels are great and I’m introducing more water into my life. Yes, I could have just drunk more water and eaten more veg but it’s the experience of the colonic and the process of going through several treatments that reinforces your digestive health and it’s importance.
Key points to improve digestion and your poos:
Truckloads of water (add lemon or chlorophyll to your water to make it a little interesting as water can be a little boring at times)
 Consume lots of green veg, raw is great but your digestive system has to be able to handle it. What I mean specifically is that a raw food diet doesn’t work for everyone. It’s kind of the buzz at the mo’ that you incorporate as much raw food into your diet as possible however if your body isn’t excellent at digesting the raw food (it’s hard work don’t forget) you may need to lightly steam your veggies first to soften them. Understand whenever you introduce new foods into your diet you must give your body some adjustment time.
Avoid excessive alcohol, processed foods and sugar
Don’t eat too fast and always chew your food
Take a fibre supplement if necessary (I like beyond greens by Udo’s Choice)
Exercise!!!!!!! Move your body every day
Make sure you find a QUALIFIED therapist, who you feel comfortable with and don’t hesitate to ask them lots of questions. Like anything in life, if your colonic is performed by a hack then you risk complications. The more trust you have in them, the better your experience. Visit for more info. I wrote another post about poo that you may find interesting here
So will you be having a colonic anytime soon?

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